After a few hours I heard the sound of the front door closing. As I expected Peter stormed up the stairs, flung open the bedroom door, despite pretending I was asleep he yanked me up by my arm, his face inches from mine, I could almost taste the stale smell of beer on his breath.
“I own you and I will always own you Jodie.” He spat before throwing me hard against the bed. That night he raped me in my own bed for the 32nd time. I laid there until the sun came up, not daring to move not to wake the monster. When he woke up he demanded I make him his usual breakfast of egg on toast. I did what he asked and rushed for the kitchen. I opened the cupboard and grabbed 3 boxes of pain killers, this was it, I would end it all when he left for his morning walk. I hid them in my dressing gown and carried on making breakfast.
When he left the house for his walk. I raced up the stairs with a large glass of water and the tablets. I emptied them all into my hand, and preyed that it would work. I swallowed all the tablets, after a while I began to feel tired and sick. I laid back on the bed and waited.
My head spinning, I could feel my eyes rolling into the back of my head. Peter stood over me. He put me on my side and stuck his fingers down my throat, making me puke. When I woke again I was tucked in bed, Peter was sat at the side of the bed with his hands on his head. He lifted his head up, that’s when I saw tears rolling down his face. When he noticed I had woken up, he turned around and grabbed my hand. I flinched at his touch, waiting for his fists to reign down on me. But they didn’t come. Nothing happened, he just held my hand as tears poured from his eyes. He let go of my hand eventually and moved closer to me. My body tensed up, I didn’t want him near me. I wanted him out. I didn’t want him to save me, I didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him.
“I’m sorry.. I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry.” He cried over and over but still I couldnt talk, my mouth was dry and I had no words.
“I’m a monster. Help me Jodie” he pleaded.
I looked at him blankly and for the first time in months I saw the man I fell in love with, he was back. My loving husband was back. I reached across for the water that was placed on the bedside table. Peter leaned over me and held it to my lips. I gulped it back.
“I’m going to get help Jodie. Please don’t leave me.” He begged after I had a drink.
Call me stupid but just looking at my husband now, the man I married I agreed to stay, to work on our marriage on the condition he got help. He kissed my forehead before leaving the room. After a few minutes he came back in with a box, he placed it on my knee. I opened the box to find my phone, laptop and keys sat inside. Peter lowered his head “After finding you like that, something inside of me snapped, the things I’ve done to you Jodie are disgusting and unforgivable and I honestly have no idea how or why I changed like that. I’m so sorry.”
I could only nod along. I didn’t know what to say to him anymore. Too much had happened and he was right what he did to me was unforgivable. I just wanted to believe my loving husband was back. Peter let me rest for a while before coming to check how I was. He brought me a cup of tea and made me some toast. Once I finished with the tea and toast he wiped the crumbs off the bed, tuck me in before kissing me on the forehead. For months he became someone I hated but now my loving husband seemed to be making a come back.
The next morning I woke up to fresh Orange juice and a bowl of cereal from Peter. After I had eaten I climbed out of bed and made my way downstairs, panic rose inside of me cause I didn’t ask for Peter’s permission to leave the bed, he met me at the bottom of the stairs, he took my hand in his. I waited for the beating to start but it didn’t, he lead me to the settee and wrapped a blanket across my legs. He passed me the television romote and sat down beside me. This didn’t feel right, my husband was been nice to me and it made panic.
I think Peter is changing
Or what do you think?
To be continue…