Written By Kiari Horsfall
NINE MONTHS LATER
I sat down in my room rubbing my stomach with my hands. it’s been nine months already, and I guess I’ll be due soon.
After sitting down for a bit, I grab a book and decide to go through it. the child gave a light kick and I flinched.
I can’t believe Its a boy. mom took me to the hospital so we could scan the child and it ends up being a boy.
I guess lady Anne was right.
I hear mom calling me as she opened the door to my room.
“how are you feeling now?” she asks taking a seat next to mine.
“I’m OK” I reply
“Good so have you eaten” she asks
“yeah I have”
“very good” mom praised me and I let out a, laugh.
“I’ll go get something. I’ll be right back okay” she says while I nod. she was about to open the door when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach which was followed by water that ran down my legs.
it made me scream very loud tightening my grip on the couch.
“mom” I yelled and she turned to see me struggling with the pain. she quickly ran up to me.
“OMG. your water just broke” she says trying to help me get up but the pain was unbearable.
she led me to the living room
“Honey try to inhale and exhale okay, I’ll go get a cab” she explains as she ran outside.
I closed my eyes trying to fight the pain but each time I did, I just end up screaming.
Soon mom came with the driver and they both helped me into the car. she sat next to me saying soothing words to calm me down but I swear it wasn’t working.
we, arrived at the hospital and I was led to the ER while mom remained outside.
“You can do this honey okay” she says to me before I was taken inside.
Some minutes later, they got me prepared for the delivery.
“you’ll have to push Debbie” the nurse said to me.
“I don’t want to… I can’t. i can’t do it” I tell her. it was such an agonizing moment as I remembered everything again.
“Come on Debbie you can do this” she says to me.
“no I can’t” I say as I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.
let go of the pain Debbie. embrace your fear… I hear Lady Anne’s voice echoing in my head. I don’t know where the courage came from but I started pushing.
“Great job Debbie. you’re doing great. now keep pushing” she tells me. I took a deep breath as I held unto the sheets on the bed pushing really hard.
“almost there Debbie. now just give me one push. I know you can do it” she tells me
I screamed really loud whilst pushing and I felt the baby come out.
The nurse takes him in her hands.
“It’s a boy Debbie” she says giving him to another nurse to clean him up. my vision became blurred and I closed my eyes unaware of what was happening next.
I open my eyes slowly. I was dripped. The door flew open and mom came inside holding the baby.
“How are you feeling?” she asks me
“a bit better although it was painful” I tell her
she gave a weak smile and said “I’m glad you made it out of there”
I gave a, wry smile as the doctor walked in.
she checked my vitals.
“is she okay?” mom asks her
“yes she is. I’m glad to tell you she would be discharged tomorrow”
“thanks doc” mom says and the doctor walked out.
“He’s such a beauty. he looks like you a lot Debbie” she tells me
“he doesn’t look anything like me and if he did I guess it’ll be back his rapist of a father” I blurt out.
“Debbie stop that. he has feelings too” she says while nuzzling his nose with hers
“don’t you wanna hold him” mom asks bringing him Closet “get him away from me. I don’t want to see him”
“but you gave birth to him. so after everything you went through to give birth, you won’t hold him?”
“eww gross never. looking at him now, I’m thinking about how I was raped by his goddamned father who knows nothing about him” I say trying to get my balance on the bed.
“but you’re his mom”
“I’m not his mother. I gave birth to him alright but that doesn’t mean I love it. if I was legally married and gave birth, I would be kissing him right now but I can’t.
we have to send him to an orphanage cause I can’t raise him” I point out to her
“you’re not serious”
“very serious mom.
just go dump him somewhere or in an orphanage. after all, a lot of teens do that”
“you’re despicable Debbie. can you hear yourself?’
” I can and I totally agree with myself ” I say shutting my eyes
“Can I raise him then” mom asked
“no mom. send him to an orphanage. I can’t have that thing living in my house”
“please. he’s just like an angel.
we can’t send him there”
“I guess I can’t talk you out of it so do whatever you want but keep him away from me or I might just end up committing murder” I say and she gasps
“keep your voice down young lady and be watchful of the things that come running out of that mouth of yours” she scolds me.
“stop scolding me.
i just gave birth. can’t you see I’m in pains”
“sorry. so have you thought of a name” mom asks me
“he’s not my child so I’m not naming him” she looks at me and back to the baby
“he looks adorable. I’ll call him Casey”
“whatever” I say while mom kept on kissing him and making baby noises.
I was discharged from the hospital and we took a cab home. I spent most of my time in bed as mom takes care of everything.
“you have to heal first okay?” she keeps on telling me.
I insist she sleeps with the baby cause I can’t have that bastard next to me or I might just end up rolling over him.
I just hated him so much. I don’t know why cause he didn’t do anything but because he was just the son of that bastard who raped me.
“he looks cute” Thandi tells me when she came to visit me.
“yeah cute enough to irritate me.”
“don’t be so mean. just look, he has your eyes and lips”
she says rocking him on his cradle while singing him a song.
“he doesn’t look anything like me alright?” I ask and she shrugged
“now that you’ve given birth, I suggest you start applying for college, don’t you think?”
“yeah. now that’s something we should definitely talk about. I have a list of college to apply for so when I’m strong, I’ll do just that”
she says and just then he starts crying.
“OMG make it stop” I yell
“just hold him. I’m sure he’ll calm down” thandi tells me
“No. mom he’s crying again” I yell and she runs in with his milk. she picks him up and places him on her thighs.
“you should’ve carried him Debbie”
“I’m not doing that” I say and she puts the bottle in his mouth.
“I just hope that someday you learn to accept this child” mom says
“and I just hope that day never comes” I say through gritted teeth. I will never accept him and that’s the last thing I’ll do in my life..