Written By Kiari Horsfall
“Mom I’ll be going now” I say taking my bag from the room.
“have you had your breakfast” she asks
“and what about your drugs”
“I’ve taken them”
“here, I packed you lunch” she says giving me my box
“thanks momma. I love you” I say kissing her cheeks while I head out the door to school.
I arrived and walked into class.
“I’m so glad you came, we’re writing today” she says as she approached me and I nod
“So have you gotten rid of the um… baby?” she whispers pointing to my stomach
“no. I’m keeping it.
I wanted an abortion but clearly I would die if I try it” I told her.
“Don’t worry you’ll be fine” she tells me
I noticed Freddie walk in.
“I have to talk to Freddie” I say leaving Thandi and walking up to him.
“Freddie can I talk to you?” I ask
“yeah sure” he says putting his hands into his pockets.
“about the dance… ” I start off
“so are you going with me” he cut me short
“No I can’t. ”
“but why. you said you were gonna think about it”
“yes and I did think about it and I just can’t go with you. something came up and… I’m sorry” I say and walk out on him to my sit.
I spent the rest of the day trying to get away from him.
After school I went home, and got prepared for my therapy session with Anne.
After eating, mom gave me the address and I went there and knocked on the door.
“Hello” I called as I knocked repeatedly and someone opened it.
she looked like someone in her late thirties I’m guessing.
“I’m looking for one lady Anne. I was directed here a therapy session” I explain
“are you Debbie Stack?” she asks
“yes I am”
“come on in” she moves aside and I step in
“thanks” I say
“Sit down. what can I get you? juice?”
“no. water will be fine” I said and she brought a glass while I drank it.
“Debbie Stack. almost eighteen. daughter of Emily Stack am I right? she asks
” how do you know?”
“I just guessed. so how are you?”
“and the baby?” she asks again
“it’s still living inside me” I say
“wanna start the therapy session?” she asks smiling
“yeah if I must” I say and she takes a seat next to me.
“I want you to close your eyes Debbie and tell me exactly what happened that night” she says
“No. I don’t want to remember”
“I can’t help you Debbie unless you help yourself” she points out to me “please”
“OK” I say closing my eyes trying to remember. the memories flashed back and I opened my eyes.
“I can’t do it. I don’t want to remember any of it” I sniffed
“You have to face it Debbie so it becomes a, part of you and you can move on. I know what you’re going through but you’re gonna have to do this for yourself so you can let go and have peace of mind. you want that don’t you?” she asks taking my hand in hers
“so please I need you to be completely honest with me and tell me everything OK?”
“Alright” I say closing my eyes again.
“Tell me what do you see?”
“I’m walking down a path” I tell her, my eyes still shut.
“yes go on” she says.
I tell her everything that happened that night and how I was raped. it went on for close to two hours. it just like I opened old wounds cause I couldn’t stop crying.
“shh” she hugs me “you did great. I’m proud of you Debbie”
“Don’t worry, the fear will be gone in no time okay” she says and I nod
“I have to go” I tell her
“Alright. I’ll walk you to the door” she says and gets up from her seat.
“thanks again Lady Anne”
“you’re welcome” she says and shut the door after I exit.
I don’t know why but I feel light. it’s like a burden just lifted up my shoulder. I guess the saying was right. a, problem shared is a problem half solved but in this case it’s better.
About a month later, we were finally through with our exams. I heard that Freddie asked another girl. I mean he was bound to since I didn’t agree to go with him.
Thandi on the other hand went with someone else while I stayed put in the house. my stomach has started protruding and I don’t want people to see me and start pointing fingers at me. Thandi was the only one who visited me. when our results were out, mom went to get them in school.
I still went for therapy session with Lady Anne who constantly kept telling me it was going to be a boy. liked I cared anyway. she was really helping me get rid of my fear and slowly I was beginning to accept the fact that I can’t undo what was already done.
“Debbie sweetheart” mom called one afternoon after coming back from the grocery store
“This will look nice on him don’t you think?” she asks giving me some clothes
“you can’t start buying stuff, we don’t even know if it’s going to be a girl or a boy” I tell her
“I just thought it was nice”
“stop spending unnecessarily mom. I don’t even care if this child walks around naked cause after I give birth I’m sending him to an orphanage” i say to her
“don’t be that mean”
“what so he can ruin my life and I can’t ruin his? if it stays here, it’ll constantly remind me of what Happened cause anytime I’ll see it, I’ll remember what it’s goddamned father did to me” I say grabbing some milk from the fridge
“oh I got your results from your exams”
“oh really. let me see.” I say taking it from her and tearing it open.
“OMG mom I passed” I yell
“really? yeah look at it” I say flaunting it in her face
“I’ll finally be going to college next year. thank goodness” I say and mom hugs me.
“I’m proud of you sweetie”
After I give birth, I’ll finally put my life back on track
there is a light at the end of the tunnel after all.