Written By Kiara Horsfall
“Debbie when was the last time you saw your flow” mom asks again making my breath hitch.
“OMG… I.. I saw… Early last month… Mom” I yell. my eyes widen with shock.
“Debbie I think… ”
“don’t say it mom” I cut her short “it’s not true, it’s not possible. I’m not pregnant mom. No, Never” I say raising a finger at her. The tears were already rolling down my cheeks.
“Shh Debbie calm down” she said trying to hold my arm
“don’t tell me to calm down. first they raped me and as if it wasn’t enough, they got me pregnant as well!!?” I asked a rhetorical question
“Debbie we still don’t know it’s true and that’s why we have to conduct a test to see if you’re positive” mom suggests.
“And how sure are you that I’m not carrying that thing inside me. what if the test comes out positive? so I’m pregnant for a rapist and I’m carrying his bastard child” I yell angrily
“it wasn’t easy to forget what happened to me that night. every single time I close my eyes, the memories of that night keeps flashing through my brain and when I’m finally trying to let go and forget the past, I also have to carry this thing inside me?” I ask again crying uncontrollably
“Look Debbie listen to me, we have to visit the hospital”
“you don’t know what’s happening right now mom, let me give you a little preview,” I say wiping off my tears with my Palm “I’m gonna be stuck inside this house for nine stupid months and you know the worst part? everyone will point fingers at me.
I’ll be scared to leave this house mom. Freddie just asked me out and what will I tell him? that I can’t come?
why cause I’m carrying this freak inside me or is it that I’ve lost my right as a teenager?
I’m barely eighteen, I still have a life, I haven’t gone to college, no job and I’m not even married yet so which guy is gonna date a girl if he finds out she gave birth at a tender age. what’s he gonna call me? loose?”
“Debbie let’s do the test and be sure of one thing, whatever happens, I’m here for you”
“of course you’re here for me and that’s because you are my mom. I’m finished mom, I’m dead. I lost” I cried more as i fell to the floor.
why does the nightmare keep on coming back. mom ran to hug me.
“what will I do mom?”
“shh sweetie you’ll be fine OK”
“no I will never be fine, never” I say and ran into my room shutting the door..
“Debbie open up” mom kept banging on the door but I didn’t open.
She was at it for hours until she finally stopped.
some minutes later, I heard Thandi’s voice. looks like mom went to call her.
“open the door debs. I need to talk to you”
“go away Thandi” I yell at her.
“we love you very much Debbie and it’s breaking our hearts to see you like this” she says “open the door and let’s talk things out please before you give your mom a heart attack” she added
I walked slowly to the door and opened it and Thandi rushed in hugging me tightly
“I’m pregnant Thandi” I tell her whilst sobbing
“well I don’t know yet but the signs are saying otherwise”
I sat down on my bed
“and what if it’s not true? for all we know, it could be a sickness or something”
“don’t give me force hope Thandi cause I’m pretty sure I’m carrying something inside me right now”
“let’s not jump into conclusions. let’s see a doctor first and after that we’ll know what to do next OK?” she asks and I nod.
“okay” I sharply reply.
*The next day*
After having my bath and taking breakfast, we took a cab and headed to a hospital.
when we arrived, we walked briskly to the hospital, I didn’t go to school and so did Thandi. she’s ditching to help me. we are accompanied by mom who was wishing that everything was a lie and so did i
We were told to wait for the doctor which we did. some minutes later, we were called to her office and after explaining everything to her, she finally agreed that I take the test which I did.
we were told to go home and come back later, probably tomorrow for the results since it usually takes a lot of time but I refused and decided to stay. I wanted to see the truth. I want to know if truly I’m pregnant like they say.
After waiting for hours, we were finally told that the doctor wants to see us.
as we walked to her office, my mind kept on throwing questions at me which I was afraid to answer.
“please sit” she said going through some files without looking at us
“Is the result out doc?” mom asked
“yes sure” she said handing the paper to mom
“Congratulations Debbie Stack, you’re two weeks pregnant” she said smiling. it came like a bomb
“what did you say?” I ask unsure of what I’ve just heard
“you’re pregnant Debbie” she says again
“that’s a lie” I blurt out “that’s not possible” I said shaking my head negatively
“You made this all up. I am not pregnant”
“the results clearly states… ”
“I don’t give a damn about any stupid results okay. this is not mine” I say taking the paper from mom and tearing it up
“Debbie calm down”
“do you know what I want you to do doc?” I ask and she shook her head no
“I want you to take this thing out of me. I want this baby aborted” I yell
“I’m sorry but I can’t do that for your sake and the child’s as well”
“you think I care?”
“you could loose your life in the process. your organs are very delicate for an abortion and I don’t want to have a, hand in murdering an innocent child as well as you.
Mrs stack I think you should talk to your daughter and make her see reason. I could give you some pills to take regularly though” she says to me
“I hate all of you. I’m gonna kill this baby on my own and in any way I can” I stomp out of the office while mom and Thandi ran after me.
“Debbie stop this” mom says holding my hands and trying to keep me still
“no mom. she should stop this by getting rid of this thing”
“that thing is your child Debbie. your own flesh and blood” mom snarls
“it is a thing. it’s a bastard, the future child of a rapist, it is a monster, I don’t even care if it’s human, it could be an animal for heaven’s sake which I don’t intend to keep so tell that doctor I need an abortion right now” I yell even louder
“you can’t have an abortion Debbie. you’re gonna die if you do. I already lost your dad and I don’t want to loose you too. you’re all I’ve got don’t you get?” she stresses out.
“so you’re saying that I should carry this baby? what about my life? I should just dedicate everything to nursing the child of a rapist. a bastard”
“stop it Debbie. you’re creating a scene”
“you’re gonna keep it”
“I did what you asked by coming here for the test so please let me handle this alone if you don’t want to help but I will never keep this baby. over my dead body” I said and walked out of the hospital. I took a cab home and ran into my room shutting the door.
“I hate you. I hate this child. I hate it” I said hitting my stomach and crying as well.
I threw all my stuff on the floor. I heard mom screaming my name, looks like she followed me home but I didn’t open up.
I turned to look at my shelf and saw a toxic substance.
“I have to get rid of this child” I said to myself as I took it in my mouth and swallowed it.