Written By Kiari Horsfall
Not everyone is an ANGEL… your BEST friend can turn out to be your worst NIGHTMARE!
I walk into the house and seated on the couch. my eyes were already damp and swollen from crying too much.
maybe I hoped for a little too much.
I just thought that maybe, just maybe he would learn to love me despite knowing everything.
The pain in my heart just intensified a million times.
why am I this hurt? why does it hurt just like the first time.
I will never find love. who would learn to love me if they find out that I had a child.
I can’t believe this is all happening. I can’t live like this.
mom called. I raised my face to look at her.
“what happened honey?” she asks and I began to cry more.
she sat down next to me and held my hand. I couldn’t utter a single word. I was hurting so bad.
I shut my eyes as the tears fell and she pulled me in for an embrace.
“Shh it’s okay” she whispered softly to my ears while Patting my baby slowly.
“He hates me mom” I finally managed to say after the long silence.
“who? what are you talking about?” she asked a little dumbfounded
“Nathan. he found out during dinner that Casey is my son.” I say as the tears streamed down my cheeks for the second time
“He doesn’t hate you”
“he does mom. I messed up. it’s all my fault, I didn’t listen to you. maybe if I did when I was a, teen then all this wouldn’t have happened.” I say holding her hand.
“Debbie everything happens for a reason. you can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened” she tells me
“I should’ve told him but I didn’t even when you said I should. now everything is complicated” I tell her whilst sobbing.
“it’s not complicated. Nathan loves you a lot. I’m sure of it and he can’t leave Casey just like that. you guys are closer than you think. don’t worry everything will be fine I promise” she says and kisses my hair
I nodded and went up to my room.
I undressed and had a cold shower then wore my nightie. I Sat at the edge of my bed. I picked up my phone.
I dialled his number but decided against it. what if he doesn’t want to talk to me? what if he shouts at me.?
What if he tells me to stay away from him?
All these thoughts and many more ran through my mind so I threw my phone on the bed and bowed my head on my palm.
it’s all over.
I opened the door to Casey’s room and walked in. he was already asleep. I sat down next to him and kissed his hair.
he opened his sleepy eyes and stared at me.
“Mommy you’re home?” he says and I nod. I wiped my tears. I don’t want him to see me crying or he’ll loose it.
“I’m back baby. did you have dinner?” I ask
“Yes mom. grandma gave me spaghetti” he tells me “mom are you okay?” he adds
“Yes. mommy is fine. I’m just tired” I lied
“has uncle Nathan gone already?”
“yes and he said to say goodnight cause I told him you’re already asleep” I say and he smiles
“can we go see him tomorrow?”
“he’ll be very busy so next time okay?”
“go to sleep my little nugget” I say ruffling his hair
“okay. goodnight Mom. I love you” he kissed my cheeks and I rolled up the blanket
“I love you too.
I love you baby and I’m very proud of you. I don’t care what anyone else thinks cause I love you so much” I kissed his hair, switched off the light and left the room.
I met mom standing outside.
“you should probably tell the kid about Nathan…”
“No mom. I can’t. he’s still a baby and besides he’s way too young to understand any of this” I tell her and she nods okay
“I understand Debbie. and I’m with you”
“But I wonder, how did Nathan find out about Casey being your child. that information is too discreet to get to him” mom said with a serious face.
“well i don’t know. we were the only ones who knew about it and… ” I stopped on my tracks after my mind flashed back to the message.
“And what? Debbie are you okay?” mom asks waving her hands across my face.
“Mom I’m fine alright. I’m going to bed. love you” I said and rushed into my room shutting the door.
I should’ve known. It has to be her. She was the only one who knew about Casey being my child. how could she betray me like this.
I always knew she was this jealous but I never knew that she would take it this far to the extreme.
Chloe was right all along. Thandi cannot be trusted and to think that I thought she was like a sister to me. I’ll definitely have to confront her about this tomorrow.
The next day I took my breakfast and headed straight to the office. I have to settle all this mess and after that, We are leaving this country to South Africa.
I thought about it last night. it’s far better to walk away from all of this.
I haven’t told mom but I’m certain she’ll approve.
it’ll be better off for Casey as well. I can’t raise my son if I’m gonna still keep thinking about what was never meant to be.
So I’ll quit my job and then we’ll head back.
I walked straight to her office and pushed the door open forcefully.
“Hi Debbie. what brings you here?” she asks but I stare at her in disgust. The mere sight of her had started to irritate me. if I wasn’t so kind hearted, I would’ve puked all over her or slapped her cheeks so hard
“I’m not here to exchange pleasantries. I’m just here to say thank you Thandi so there, thank you” I said with no emotion in my voice. She looked surprised probably not expecting to see me.
“Debbie I don’t understand… ”
“shut up Thandi” I cut her short and she gasps “Are you satisfied?” I ask her
“who told Nathan about Casey being my child?” I ask and I noticed how nervous she was by my question.
“w.. what?” she stuttered
“just answer the damn question?” I yell
“Fine. I did. are you satisfied? whatcha you gonna do about it” she ask and I shook my head negatively
“how could you? how could you do this to me Thandi. I thought we were friends” I tell her but she gags
“Friends? are we friends Debbie? you think we can still be friends after everything I had to go through with you?”
“I don’t understand?”
“that’s the point. you never understood me. back in school and even now, you never did. I told you how much I love Kress but yet you still went out with him. you think I was blind not to realize the fact that you were already falling for him.” she tells me.
she let out a low laugh “I met him first, I told you how much I needed him. I asked you if you had a, relationship with him but you said no. You have a son and yet you’re still every guys favourite. you never once considered what I would feel or what I wanted.
everything had to go the way you wanted. what about me? can’t I be happy too?”
“you can’t tell the heart what to feel. if Nathan had ever had a, little bit of love for you, he would be with you now and not me” I tell her amidst sobs
“so your heart is telling you that he loves you? you’re trash now Debbie. get a life with your bastard son and leave Kress alone” she yelled at me
“I plan to” I tell her leaving her speechless
“it’s what you wanted right. for Kress to be yours. well he is so you can have him. I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore.”I giggled
” I thought I had the best friend in the whole world but everything was just an illusion. I blindly trusted you. You failed to realize to realize how much I loved you Thandi. I gave everything to you.
we grew up like sisters. and because of your jealousy and obsession with a guy, you just threw it all away without taking a second glance ” I say but she threw her face away
“I’m not like you to fight over a guy.
I gave up Freddie and I’m giving up Nathan and if you’re so convinced that he loves you then you’re free make your move. I’m leaving this country so I won’t get to see your shadow lurking in my life. goodbye Thandi and good luck”
“Debbie” she called but I walked out and shut the door.
I walked to Nathan’s office, luckily, he was inside.
“Come in” he said in reply to my knock on his door.
He felt uncomfortable seeing me but I didn’t care less.
“Debbie I don’t… ”
“it’s okay I’m not here to bother you. just hear me out please” I say and after taking one look at me, he shut his laptop
“what’s this about?”
I didn’t reply. I just dropped the letter on the table. he opened and read through it.
“I’m quitting” I finally managed to say. he stared at me I disbelief
“What do you mean by you’re quitting?”
I sighed “I can’t work here Nathan and not with you always being around cause I’ll get to see your face every day and I’ll be reminded of everything. I’ve thought about it and this is the best I can come up with”
“so this is how you want to handle the situation. after lying to me, this is the mature decision you can come up with?” he asked. his eyes becoming red all of a sudden
“so what do you want me to do? sit here and cry my eyes out?”
“you’re despicable Debbie” he said standing up
“last time I checked, you’re not entitled to me and you’re not the boss of me anymore. I admitted to the fact that I was at fault but if you think that I should be blamed for all of this then go ahead”
I told him not knowing where I got the courage to speak to him like that.
“I was raped Nathan. I hated my child for five good years for a crime he didn’t commit. You can hate me but please leave my child out of this, I can’t bear to see Casey suffer. he has gone through a lot already.
you won’t know what I had to go through, maybe if someone close to you had been in my position then perhaps you would understand. I can’t force you to love me and I won’t love you at the expense of Casey got it?” I said to him almost crying
“I loved you Nathan and that was certain but you didn’t love me that much and I won’t force you to and I can’t hate you either cause it wasn’t your fault too. take care Nathan” I say and walk out of his office.
I cried my way back home and rushed to my room
Maybe it’s better this way. you can’t have everything you want in life. and maybe it wasn’t in my Destiny to have Nathan.
it never was…